Technical Troubleshooter Prints

'Now calm down and tell Momma what's wrong. Was it the raw data I fed you?'

"You've been tinkering with the toaster again, haven't you?"

Tricks Machines Play on Us...

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

"One of the advantages of working from home is the free tech support."

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

"Did you remember to back up the last 4.5 billion years?"

Tossing computer into canyon.

Computer Expert

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

Torn-Off Mouse.

"It's not just him. The whole system's down."

'It's basically a good master's thesis, but the word you want is 'serfs,' not 'smurfs.''

'Screen saver. . . or did his computer freeze again?'

It appears to be some sort of computer virus.

'I think the mouse is playing-up again love.'

Spammatic blaster - gun to shoot pop-up ads.

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

'Well, none of the other options worked, so we installed a power cord on him -- if he starts going haywire again just unplug him and wait 30 seconds.'

Recalculating

'Do you have 4G up here?'

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

"I think retrieving the info from that harddrive might be a little tricky."

"So we've managed to consolidate all our multinational 24 hour hotline support centres down to one Single Point of Contact... and here he is."

'My diagnostic software is acting up. It says you are pregnant.'

Tech support...can I help you!