Tech Talker Prints

'Texting you to let you know that I'll be calling you about a new video-conference app that I read about in a magazine.'

"Don't feel bad. Even I don't understand me."

'I keep thinking this is going to be the app that changes everything for me.'

'A few years ago that wouldn't have even sounded like a sentence.'

'And when you remove the cookies from the computer, just remove them, don't eat them.'

'I'm also fluent in Geek.'

'We're going to talk about syntax highlights.'

"It's the age-old question of our existence, Bill: 'Why does bad data happen to good computers?'"

"Companies know too much about us, listen...'You've earned 500 points and it's time you got back in touch with your cousin Emma'!"

Inexplicably Sharon was not interested in a second date.

"Other than fluent Emoji, what other languages do you speak?"

"I made my first million tech consulting explaining the cloud to clients."

The Before-You-Know It-It'll-Be-Obsolete Computer Company

Social Media

'Would everyone please phrase their questions in ones and zeros please.'

"Look what it says under cookie policy. Chocolate chip."

"Colin is bi-textual."

"My smartphone has issues with me smart car."

"The autocorrect function is redundant for me. I'm married."

"I realize you're used to communicating by text message, but do you have to move your fingers like you're typing every time you say something?"

"I'm an expert on artificial intelligence. I hang out here every afternoon for Happy Hour."

"Hey Phil. Mind if I hack your brain for a minute?"

"In my day, we had to trudge through a mountain of shag-pile carpet if we wanted to change the channel."

"When I was asking about how much memory you had left, it wasn't about you, Andrews!"

University Challenge with digital assistants.

'I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that...'

"Facebook has gotten too big. It's time for Facepamphlet."

"You're cute, but you don't look very strong."

With the popularity of spell-checkers, many people are turning to the new speech-checkers.

"I am a control freak."

But It's Already Being Censored

"He had a close brush with fame when Scarlett Johansson's chatbot told him to go away."

'I'm sending you a text. . .how did people talk before sms messaging?'

'This new water cooler streamlines the gossip process - we get all the numbers and none of the fluff. The R.O.I. just sky rocketed!'

"What a disappointment. When you said your dad was a troll, I thought he'd be living under a bridge."