Tech Support Assistant Pillows

"You fix it by buying a new one."

'Purchase two or more and get free tech support.'

Pounding speeds up the computer.

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

"You can access me by saying simply 'Agnes.' It is not necessary to add 'dot com.' "

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

"In the old days, we had to constantly feed the screensaver."

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'

Gadget geek.

Computer Expert

"I do tech support for the cloud."

Geek fairies

Terry had a computer bug.

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

Torn-Off Mouse.

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

'Yep,that's it Mr.White. And NOW go, Control-Alt-Delete, then re-enter.'

'This computer has a fast modem, the latest Pentium, increased RAM, a huge hard drive and broadband connections. Only one problem...slow pointer fingers.'

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

If Disney was a software company

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

'It says our line printer is obsolete our remote terminal is obsolete, and I'm afraid, we're obsolete.'

Hardware and software

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

"Oh! It's you! I was expecting the machine."

'...And, from what I understand, they don't have any hard drive at all.'