Tech-savvy Dater Prints

"I'm terrible at small talk. Just scan me."

"Hewes, it's come to my attention that you've been using our internet access to troll for babes."

'Roy proposed to me in an email, but my spam filter rejected it.'

'Good thing there is augmented reality...'

Modern Chivalry

'He's perfect. We have loads of the same apps.'

While he appreciated it was quicker, Dave thought QR codes took all the fun out of speed dating...

"I'm internet dating. I'm looking for someone I can morph and tweak."

"This just isn't working. Where do I click to unsubscribe?"

Cell phone love

"Would you care to come up and see my cardiovascular fitness data?"

"This Tonto thinks I don't know anything about Photoshop."

"Siri, find me someone better."

"Hey, Siri, should I kiss her good-night?"

Cyber Sex.

"Hi! I'm Jim Burns, your computer matchup."

"Tinder has a new option - you can swipe right for yes, left for no and up and down for self isolate with me!"

'You're too old school - I'm looking for a mate online.'

'Check out this new app. It tells me what to say when I'm on a date.'

'Haven't I Googled you somewhere before?'

'Darling, you always seem to know the right things to say, I don't know how you do it!'

"Our online romance needs fresh start. I think it's time to hit 'ctrl', 'alt', 'delete'."

'Laura realised it was time to update her online dating profile.'

'It didn't work out. We got along great, but our phones were incompatible.'

"This isn't going to work out, I'm looking for someone with more apps."

Augmented reality check

Cafe. It didn't go well? That date was selected for you by a sophisticated statistical algorithm. Lots of math, but no chemistry.

"So, uh, your profile said you oil... what's that all about?"

"Fine – if they all want to meet online, screw them."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

e-shoes

"I brought back important data on that blue planet called Earth."

Weird things I do because of the internet

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'