Tech Conference Pillows

'Totally useless!'

STRIP Hambone: Humanoid computers

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

Inclusive speech

"I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I was the loudest."

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

The interested bystanders.

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"Is it just a scary coincidence that the words 'changes' and 'unknown' both have 7 letters?"

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Networking

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

'I'm also fluent in Geek.'

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."

"As you can see, sales have been a little erratic lately..."

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

Second lifeReal life.

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

Big Data Tonight

'Would everyone please phrase their questions in ones and zeros please.'

"We don't talk anymore."

"I love these off-site business meetings."

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."