Team Humorist Pillows

"All in favor of telling Anderson about that thing stuck to his lip, say aye."

"Your being on the company softball team gives me the opportunity to trade you."

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

"Looks like we found the issue."

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

'That's our mission statement.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

Boss's Desk Says No!

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"What's a debenture?"

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

The MBA Draft