Teaching Titan Mugs

The Academic Brain, showing parts: teach, write, do research, and (the largest part) serve on committees.

'Hi! So you're the supply teacher? You're the lucky guy we'll be driving up the wall until the real teacher gets back from mat leave!'

"Being in education, I'm very athletic — I'm a political football, a punching bag, and a hurdle jumper."

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

Victoria's pre-marriage questionnaire continues...'Can I get input from the guys at the bar on this one?'

"I've outgrown my backpack."

'Don't tell me how much you love me. Tell me how my stock is going.'

We're halfway through teaching her to roll over.

Little Girl Educating Her Horse.

"Getting the ball in the hole on the first swing is good isn't it?"

"The school year is officially over, and the teachers won."

Table tennis.

Paint/Paint Remover, Glue/Glue Remover...

'A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something.'

'He's been working on 'Seven Days to Change Your Life' for 8 years and he's only reached Tuesday.'

It's academic

"I try to get a head start on them."

"I'm sorry but the correct answer is not 'I'm sorry if you feel offended.'"

'Remember, I deduct one grade point for every splinter.'

"Honey,...Oscar wants to go for a walk."

"After endless delays, boarding confusion and lost luggage, it appears he's finally arriving at his conclusion."

"For what it cost me, it SHOULD be big."

Workmen Lifting.

"He's at that annoying age where they're always testing you."

'Things even God could not know - for $400, Alex.'

'First I'll do some covers, then I'll play some derivative, cliche-ridden original material.'

arrogant child showing off her knowledge of ancient history at a party

"I'll take 'Remembering things from more than 8 seconds ago' for $200, please."

"That's excellent! Next week we'll do 'letting go'."

"A door can never have too many hinges."

"In my experience, telling a kid 'without an education you can't get a job', almost never works. But, 'without an education you can;t get a job to get money to buy new sneakers and C.D.s,' works every time."

Pub quiz night.

"Have you ever tried baring your teeth at them?"

'Make sure that when you type this up, you leave the 'caps lock' button on.'