Taste Tester Pillows

Avocado Timeline

'This sugar substitute is perfect except for one thing. It's salty.'

A woman sits in an office of the Food and Drug Administration in - out boxes marked MMMM Good and Oh - Bad.

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."

'There's a thin line between good taste and bad taste. Does anyone know where that line is?'

"Robust, full-bodied bouquet with just a hint of bitter, mean-spirited despair."

'The review said drinking this wine is like drinking a Rembrandt. All I taste is the frame.'

What keeps me at my best is the feeling that anyone of them might be a restaurant critic.

"Ray says he serves his homemade wine this way for the presentation, but believe me, it's because it improves the taste."

"Now, in contrast to the last olive oil you tasted, this one is infused with sixty-five more dollars."

It Tastes So Bad It Must Be Good For You.

'They say he's sweet, but he tastes salty.'

'Which' Consumer Testing Whiskies

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Not good news, I'm afraid!'

'You look bored, sir - How about the Chef's Surprise?'

Harsh Mellows.

'This sugar substitute is perfect except for one thing. It's salty.'

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken.' 'It tastes like chicken.'

'Do try our jailhouse rock cake.'

'...or, if you're watching your cholesterol, we also have thousand-year-old egg substitutes.'

'There's a restaurant critic out there. Thaw out a meal from that place they all like.'

"Your meal sounded nice."

The Wine Buff

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

"This sugar substitute is perfect except for one thing: it's salty."

"Oh...and I added some pepper to that soup you're making on the stove."

"It's half price because we ran out of lemons and used crushed onions."

"If I admit that I was wrong I would be admitting to myself that my whole life and everything I am and believe in is based on lies!"

"Do you know our soup is world renowned?"

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

"One of our greatest minds in restaurant criticism."

"It's all good – but some of it is better."

"Would you like an earnest tone with your lentils?"

"If only the aftertaste came first."