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'Well, technically, Eugene, we're not under the mistletoe...'

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

Fishing Tales

The Tale of the Tape of the Tail.

Reasonableman

"Well did he?"

Fishing Boat Derby

"That's right kiddo, I'm one of the original band members of the Musicians of Bremen..."

Paul Bunyan gets the leg-lengthening Operation

"You should've seen the triceratops that got away. It had to be this...um...this...uh...well, it was huge."

'All this is nuthin! There was one yeaw up noth...when it snowed fah two yeaws! I had t'dig down ten feet t'haul in my lobstah traps.'

"Yes, I was using my mobile whilst driving... I was calling the police to tell them I was chasing a gang of bank robbers!"

Men reading Tall Stories, and Short Stories in a Library

"...and the dung was this big!.... No...elephant, actually."

"At long last, Wyatt, our dream has come true and we are within reach of the legendary toast fields of the Sierra Madre."

A Salmon Lie

Jolly Sailor - Warning: May contain old salts.

'Take Gerald a cup of punch or something, I think he's feeling left out.'

'Well, by golly! Martha's right, I did make those doors a touch too low.'

"Pecos Bildungsroman"

Captain Eddie's New Boat:'The insurance company laughed last year when I insisted on adding Kraken coverage.'

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

Library: Tall-Tales and Facts.

'He doesn't exaggerate, he just remembers big.'

Circus trousers

'That's right kids: I jumped through rings of fire when I was with the Circus!'

"So I break free and I swear that hook was this big."

'He's lying about either a fish or his penis.'

Paul Bunyon, Castaway

Today's special guest: Rudy Park. Author of the bestselling memoir iMac Therefore I Am. Raised by rabid chimps in the desert, Rudy went on to invent the computer, and date Paris Hilton. Such an inspiring tale, young man. I made it all up. And so honest, too. Let me come clean!

'I don't believe for one minute that an octopus crawled up last night and ate all the coconuts!'

A Tale of the Sea

"Hopefully, the 7-foot guy is on our side."

"In your original statement, you said the fish was much bigger."