Talkative Tom Prints

'When another barber cuts your hair, who does the talking?'

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"Ed's tree hugging was out of control."

Dialogue

Woman on the phone.

'There's a bench over there why not sit down and rest your weary mouth?'

"I'd appreciate a little more reacting to my ranting."

'Margaret. I feel that we must talk about our relationship.'

Pie chart of pub conversations

'I don't get it. He's got only one tongue and two ears, but he talks twice as much as he listens.'

'What if someone says 'everything is not alright'?'

Preserved

'Hey! I'll do the talking! Okay?'

'The good news is you don't have to worry about cholesterol, carbs, or trans fat.'

". . . and I wish he's shut up for a few minutes!"

Man talking to a tree.

'Sure, I can talk, but I still feel culturally illiterate.'

'I can't keep a secret, either!'

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

'I decided the world wasn't ready for the wheel, so I invented the desk.'

"Quit complaining and decorate it! Number one, it's tradition, number two, it's nobody we know..."

'That's all I can say - I've already told you twice as much as I know!'

"Worst TED talk ever"

"Tell me, do you ever shut up?"

'It was a personality clash form the very beginning. My perfume versus his after shave!'

"If you don't have anything profound to say, don't say anything at all."

"This call is monitored for quality. Try to keep up your end of the conversation."

"I said, with these new tax breaks, we'll be able to buy more leaves for the table."

'That's what I call a workout! One hour of walking and 2 hours of running our mouths.'

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

"We only use this table every now and then. Not sure whether that makes it occasional or periodic?"

"With Gloria, it's in one ear and out the mouth."

Pieces of eight, pieces of eight.

"I hope you didn't pay too much for that parrot. It hasn't said a word!"