Talent Show Skeptic Prints

'Usual Saturday night crap.'

'That was the worst performance I've ever seen.'

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

The Drummer

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

"Lenders are a lot more cautious about 'interest free' mortgages these days. "

Trump commissions song

The Ox Factor

"This could be fun! Don't you do magic tricks, Cruz?"

Banana striptease...

'You look and sound like a real pro.'

Bad Influence of TV

"I'm a TV producer. I can get you on one of those fake judge programs, and you'll both become famous."

'He can't speak to the dead, but he can speak to the dead.'

"This next song is for all the music teachers who said I'd never make it."

'Thank you! This next song I wrote to prove that we accountants DO know how to be 'cool'.'

Simon Cowell

'For one of these girls, dreams of royalty are over...'

'Sorry, I already have a Dancer.'

The ocean is no place for a star.

'I see ol' bug-eyes is back.'

"The news you are about to see is fictitious and is shown merely for its sensational content."

'You call that carol singing?'

"This isn't a reality show. . . it's the news."

'...and all going well, definitely no more than 15 minutes of fame!'

'Like the judges, he's turned his chair around to concentrate on the singing.'

"Oh heck, it’s going to be a long night, someone’s pressed the golden buzzer."

"She's good because she is our bookkeeper."

Eh... yes Mister eh... Genghis. Can I just ask where did you get your boots?

'Aha! You are addicted to American Idol. You have the voting numbers on speed dial.'

Jerusalem's Got Talent