Symptom Sleuth Prints

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

"I knew it. I just KNEW it. How long have I had this condition, doctor? Is there a cure? Oh, God, it just had to be disease, didn't it..." Cathy finds out that she has hypochondria.

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

"Poison Ivy? Where?"

"The doctor says I have something called 'hypochondria'...and it's very hard to cure!"

'It doesn't matter what pills you give me, whatever they're for, I'm sure to have it...'

'You're fine. Now get out of my office!'

"According to this website my symptoms show that I'm dead!"

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

Hypochondria reaches a peak in middle age..

"So, when you looked up your symptoms, did it say to complain about it incessantly but never seek treatment?"

'It was hard enough keeping tack of people's children, now I need to keep track of their symptoms.'

'A body temperature of 98.6 normally wouldn't worry me but this is in centigrade!'

"I mean, it can't hurt to google your symptoms before you go ahead and actually call the dermatologist, right? . . . Larry?"

"I'm pretty sure you don't have it, pumpkin. Plus I don't think "reverse nausea" is even a thing."

Christmas Quiz: Is it covid, a hangover, or just life with small children?

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

Joan Hickson

"Look, Professor - a stegosaurus!"

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

'Have you no common scents?!'

"That new drug causes flatulence."

"I'm getting cinnamon, brandy, nutmeg, a hint of Alsatian."

"Do you smell something?"

'No, that's not my shaving lotion. We've been burning cow chips in the wood stove.'

'It's for the girl who's in a hurry.'

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

'How come the rabbit didn't have good luck with the foot?'

"Light at the end of the tunnel!"

"Let me through... I’m an armchair detective!"

"We're sure we've got the right numbers... Now we just need to work out what order to put them in!"

'(Sniff!)... Hey! Somebody stole my identity!'

"Oh darn, there it is right there: side effects may include squid head."

Net Zero Superstitions