Summer Trend Watcher T-Shirts

"I want something like this but in a bathing suit."

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

Studies show foods work miracles!

Emergency Hipster Beard

"T-shirt weather's coming. How ready are you?"

The Pill-of-the-Month Club!

On Aug. 3, 1992, the Moon rose over the horizon wearing heavy eye-liner and mohawk. Fortunately it was just a phase.

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

'If you're looking for compensatory materialism on wheels, look no further.'

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

Final words on gravestones.

Giraffe Selfie

"My scoop-back tank comes in Mango, Morning Glory, and Scallion. Don's Maori surfers are available in Iris, Mustard, and Prawn."

'Why don't you use more blue? -- Blue is very popular these days.'

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

'What's this I hear about you going long?'

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

An alternative theory as to why dinosaurs are extinct.

'Our new simplified energy bills just have a few options starting with 'Grossly inflated' and progressing to the premium 'Bloodsucker' package. . .'

"Cut down on the pumpkin spice."

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

#notblessed

"Which 'ism' am I this week, Ms. Trotter?"

In the not too distant future... "It's a tribal butterfly tramp stamp, honey. Same as yours."

"My new watch has a G.P.S. function but it always puts me in the right place at the wrong time."

"I've been wondering if there isn't some way we could capitalize on the cat craze."

"One man with a mustache is manly. Sexy. Magnetic."