Succession Strategist Pillows

'Someday, son, 50 of this will belong to your ex-wife,'

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"Mr Frimley will see you now."

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

"Some day, son, all this will be yours. ... Actually, you know what? You can have it now."

Do you have any other skills?

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

'When training my son, keep him totally ignorant. I'm grooming him to be VP in-charge-of -denials.'

'And finally. . . where do you see yourself on the food chain 5 years from now?'

"The torch is passed, but since the company is going green, I'm passing a high efficiency, solar powered multi LEC prism spotlight."

"If you really want to get ahead you'll need to stop licking your own butt and start licking mine."

'I'm afraid you've failed the Turing test.'

'Thanks for the promotion offer but I was hoping to sleep my way to the top..'

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

Mountain Tops Incorporated

"Someday this will all be yours...assuming that someday you'll have enough to buy it from me."

"The itsy-bitsy spider went up the corporate ladder. And he didn't care how many lives he ruined along the way. I know, this isn't the book Simon & Schuster wants. But it's the damn truth."

"It's not who you know, it's how you use them."

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

"Yes, I'm sure you do deserve further career advancement. But if I promote you again you'll have my job!"

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

"Remember when everyone told you this job would lead you nowhere? Well, you've arrived!"

"Where do you see yourself five lives from now?"

'I'm looking for a job that satisfies my lust for power.'

Others' perceptions (which aren't always true)

"We have a goal wrapped in a plan, and served on a bed of success."

"Jim, say hi to Tom, our severance consultant."

"Your father would be able to afford to send you to a good college if only he had listened to me when he was your age!"

"I like to stay on top of things."

"The secret is to ask yourself: what would someone who's successful do?"

'My strength lies in my ability to deny my weaknesses.'

"This is what happens when a family business doesn't have a succession plan!"

'If you want to be a great success, get yourself huge wads of money.'

"Fellow M.B.A. graduates of the Class of '91—hey, what can I say?"

"You're great at hindsight, but we need someone who is more forward looking!"