Subscription Manager Prints

"I'd like to buy your subscription list to check for changes of address."

The Solar System (after deregulation)

The Pill-of-the-Month Club!

"'C' is for free CONTENT!"

"I prefer 'prostitute'. 'Media whore' implies that I'm not getting paid."

'We now have 28 subscription cards in every issue, but we MUST HAVE MORE!'

Wine of the Day Club

"Google gets thousands of requests each day to erase links. Most of them seem to go back to my website."

"It's finally happened. This magazine has more subscription cards than pages!"

'If content is king, why doesn't anybody want to pay for it.'

'Since hooking our generators up to your exercise machines, we've cut our fuel consumption by 25.'

This is Pandora, our new Content Manager.

"Our website design could be described as "organic"... in the sense that people often compare it to poop."

'I'm putting you in charge of past due accounts.'

Nobody's reding our company blog,we need you to have sex with Mrs Miggins so that we can spice it up!

"I'm sorry, your grapefruit subscription ran out and I forgot to renew it."

'I guess this is what we get for going to a discount web-page designer.'

"After seeing the benefits of web analytics, Amy hoped to learn something by attaching cookies to customers who visited her store."

Time-of-the-month club.

Subpoena-of-the-Month Club

Man with fake beard gets a package from the Beard of the Month club.

"That's it - we've eaten the last of the energy bills."

"Our marriage has been renewed for another season."

Energy Bills

After our sun sheds the last of its energy and collapses in on itself... ...after the solar systems degraded, their planets flung out and consumed... And after those billions of stars in their billions of galaxies are all slowly snuffed out one by one... ...and after the last of the supermassive black holes evaporates... A single last question will remain, drifting through the long, cosmic dark... To renew your universe, please update your payment details.

"I subscribed to a collector's magazine! It has great interviews with big-time collectors who buy the world's rarest treasures."

'Our first and only painting cost us $3.5 million!'

Houdini 2019

Duel Fuel?

"Your online comment meets the offence of serious insult. The 13 spelling mistakes in the 17 words of your comment constitutes a crime against the English language!"

"I'm increasing your OnlyFan subscription..."

Club of the Month

"Did you join the testimony-of-the-month club?"

'We're pleased to announce we're doing a government study to find out just who regulates the electric industry.'

'So much for energy saving.'