Strategy Consultant Pillows

"So we're agreed our strategy is to agree strategies for identifying a strategy that will guide us to increase profits."

'Some of the ideas, in the meeting on innovation, seemed interesting but they've never been tried before so I think I'll hold off for now.'

"Anything goes today: I want this to be a free and open discussion of my entrenched positions."

"Our sales have come a long way in a short time."

'We can't rely upon pas successes...we have to radically restructure the way we work, change our core values and build form the ground up.'

How to win before the match begins

How the US Succeeded in Afghanistan

'Our latest business analysis best practices came from the Twitosphere, via the blogoshphere, just south of the webosphere.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'Where's the pioneer spirit that got us two billion dollars in debt?'

"What if we replace 'What if?' with 'Heck yeah'?"

Management Consultant

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

Robot Parts $5

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."