Strategic Conversationalist T-Shirts

"Mr. Weems is easily approachable. It's the exit strategy that requires detailed strategy."

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

Liquidity Lunch

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"I understand it all started when he ordered extra toppings on a pizza."

'It wasn't so much a hostile takeover as it was a best 2 out of 3 pillow fight.'

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

A lesson in wit

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

'Your smile came in a distant third.'

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

Mobile Phones, "Now we are together we will proceed to the business of the day."

"If you could have a dinner conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

'No idea. He's been there for as long as I can remember.'

'The secret is to invite good talkers and good listeners and a good laugh track.'

'But enough about me...Let's talk about you!'

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'