Storytime Wizard Mugs

"Your story would have been better at 2x speed."

'Deep in the woods, the children came upon the most wondrous sight.'

The Poky Little Pupa.

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

Church Library - Pop-Up Books

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

Little Princess.

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

Biggles has a more staid adventure.

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

'A is for Arse.'

"Is this fiction, non-fiction or historical fiction?"

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

Little Girl Educating Her Horse.

"Name your sources."

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

"Fellow graduates, when I look at you, I see future princesses, ninjas, wizards, superheroes, and zombies."

'The cow jumped over the Moon? -- What was SHE on?'

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

Alice Through the Looking Glass - 'Tickets Please!'

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

'Don't worry, he'll soon grow into it.'

'Read me 'Br'er Rabbit again and this time leave out the southern accent.'

'...and then I married the handsome farmer and the two hundred head of dairy cattle.'

Sleepy Bunny