Storyteller Of Finance Prints

Business Fairy Tales.

Jack and Jill

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

School of Wizardry and Creative Accounting.

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

'This morning a rumor that we would buy the Arpex Corp drove our stock up $3. Around noon a rumor that Arpex would buy us drove it up another $3. And in the afternoon a rumor that wo have nothing to do with Arpex drove it up $3 more.'

Pandora's box.

Those who fail to learn from the past will be forced to relive it.

Dollars Press Conference

'Figures can be misleading - So I've written a song which I think expresses the real story of the firms performance this quarter.'

"At last they paid off their sub-prime fairy-tale and lived happily ever after."

"And after the prime rate declined by half a point, the Dow rose by thirty-two, guess what happened to Goose and Fox?"

'Tech stocks tumbled on news that Alan Greenspan's computer was down.'

'I have to warn you that hills may go up as well as down.'

'...but then the Dow rallied and the blue chips began to rise...'

"Well, that's not a good market indicator."

'The global economy is fragile and mysterious, folks... kind of like Tinkerbell in 'Peter Pan.' When people stopped believing in the magic, Tinkerbell almost died. So it's up to us to invent a better supernatural creature to believe in!'

You think you have feelings of worthlessness? You ought to see my portfolio!

"Once upon a time, gold was 60 pounds an ounce."

'That was one of my all-time great rumors.'

'If you kiss me, I'll cause the Dow Jones Industrial Average to soar, manufacturing and trade data to re-accelerate, and housing to rebound significantly throughout the remainder of this and the next quarter.'

'I can't take all the credit. My childhood imaginary friend picked a lot of my stocks.'

"And that's how Twitter almost crashed the Dow."

"...and then the heroic young investor managed to capture the evil high interest rate monster and wrestled him down until he was a mere 5.25%!"

Earth-Friendly Financial Services: "Working to protect our planet by accumulating vast piles of your money."

"Tonight's story is about sustainable economic growth without quantitative easing."

Italy Shackled by the Euro Debt Crisis

'Stocks today remained unchanged on news 'the more things change, the more they stay the same''

Big Bad Wolf Foreclosure.

News on television: 'On Wall Street, stocks rebounded on news that 'up' and 'down' are just states of mind.'

Lemonade stall gone bankrupt.

'I'm too tired to hear the whole story. Who wins, the bear or the bull?'

"First it was one kid, then another and another...mobile banking has put my kind out of work."

"Pensions is a complicated business."