Storyline Critics Prints

What is it about BBC One's reboot of Poldark which attracts so many viewers?"

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"Regarding the plot of your novel ... what on earth were you thinking?"

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

"Are you sure that's not a typo? -- Maybe the cow jumped over the moor."

'I suspect the cow jumping over the moon is an illusion or swamp gas.'

'....happily ever after...AFTER what?'

"I didn't think much of the plot, but I like the product placement."

Johnny Depp

"It's actually called 'snow white, the seven dwarfs and the damned biting watchdog.' But of course they don't tell us about that ."

"When I die, I want to come back at anything except a book of short stories."

You've got to stop getting all your history from Youtube and Netflix. Why? Because those are videos. People who make videos are making entertainment. It it's entertaining that means someone's constructed story. If it's a story, that means they left out or twisted whatever doesn't logically fit their narrative as told from one point of view. Accurate history would be completely illogical. Oliver Stone would disagree.

Down with canned laughter.

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

'And do you, Cathie, promise to advance Ed's narrative?'

"Did you research and verify before posting this?"

'This is where it gets tricky. I see 3 alternate endings and a director's cut.'

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

Father and son watching a TV sitcom

"Is there no escape from escapism?"

"Enough with the hard-luck stories about spanking and cursive and appointment television, Dad."

"You will let me know if I'm boring you with my little stories, won't you dear?"

'Once upon a time there were some me with big sticks, and these men, they said to everyone else...'

"Brick, Eh? Well, sorry to blow your house down but these days it's not wise to be so invested in stability."

Man reading a giant book.

'That 'Jonah' story sounded FISHY to me!'

"I don't like hearing happy stories."

Youtube reviews make me feel old, Randy. Well … they're always full of whining, nitpicky, smug people complaining that the film or tv show wasn’t easy enough to follow. Reviewers complain that characters actions "don't make sense," as if they unaware that people often don't make sense. Or that a scene wasn't "necessary," as if establishing character doesn't matter. They complain that the plot was "confused," but when I was growing up, that just meant the viewer wasn't paying enough attention. It

'It's a load of something, alright.'

"Well, you call them fairy tales, I call them fake news."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"It's a sort of 'popular-attractive-kid-from-well-to-do-stable-family-succeeds-against-all-odds' story."

Political Journalism

God's editor prepares for a tough convo