Stocks And Laughs Fan Prints

'As expected, your shares of de ja vu are rebounding, again.'

'Now that I have your attention...'

The day the stock market went UP.

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

Loan Alley

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

Jumping Wall Street.

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

"You will be visited by three ghosts - the Ghost of Porfolios Past, The Ghost of Present Positions and the Ghost of Commodities Future."

'Just to let you know the cause of your pain and my advice is Quite Watching Stock Prices Go Up And Down.'

Cheer up, you'll get your day.

"Most of what I want this year is listed on the Nasdaq."

"Bad news on Wall Street today, as the bottom fell out of the market, the sides collapsed, and the top blew away."

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

'These are tough times for wall street tycoons...the best we can do is laugh half-way to the banks.'

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

'Stocks were high...then low...then suddenly high again on news of a new drug to treat mood swings...'

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

"Sure, it may be great for us, but it's hell on the markets."

"Who's on duty today...you or me?"

'In today's action, the Dow Jones Industrial Average cratered, then soared, then swooned, then skyrocketed, then plummeted, then rebounded, and finally threw up.'

'I actually look forward to hibernating during bull markets.'

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

The classic 'large scale corporate raider' eventually, they end up catching themselves!!

"I was doing pretty well in the stock market until I discovered there were laws."

'It's a retrospective of Bernanke's most obtuse economic jargon...'

My department will NOT take the blame for that lousy quarter...we were ALL hibernating!

News and Magazines. Record Debt. Dollar Down. How can the dollar be weak when we've been giving it such a good workout?

Black hole-in-the-wall at Jodrell Bank

"We must do something about the bloated, fat cat image bankers have a acquired...I think I'll settle for a bigger chair!"

'I see you've renamed your portfolios Moe, Larry and Curley.'

Department of Unrealistic Dividend Earnings: 'We realize it is an unnecessary department but the acronym was just too cool to shut it down.'

'You won't feel a thing. We make a small incision in your wallet and...'