Stock Taking T-Shirts

The day the stock market went UP.

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

Will work for ETFs

"Why do you need so many computers?" "One for billing, one for stock control, one for human resources, one for financial management..."

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

"My tariffs will move the world in a new direction!!"

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Slipping and sliding down the slope...

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

'This is where I hang out until bullishness makes a comeback.'

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

Why do you need so many computers?

First Church of Non-Denominational Money Worship.

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.

Jumping Wall Street.

Smiling businessman with rising profits

"What's wrong, boy? Has Google's stock gone down?!"

Woman at a desk with in out boxes marked Market Up Market Down.

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

"You will be visited by three ghosts - the Ghost of Porfolios Past, The Ghost of Present Positions and the Ghost of Commodities Future."

'These latest figure are encouraging...'

"Do you swear to calm the jittery financial markets, all the jittery financial markets and nothing but the jittery financial markets, so help you God?"

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

'Just to let you know the cause of your pain and my advice is Quite Watching Stock Prices Go Up And Down.'

"Our initial public offering, .... The public has gotten wind of it!"