Stock Market Mugs

"On Wall Street today, news of lower interest rates sent the stock market up, but then the expectation that these rates would be inflationary sent the market down, until the realization that lower rates might stimulate the sluggish economy pushed the mark

"Most of what I want this year is listed on the Nasdaq."

Bull and bear checking in for work.

"Stocks can be risky, and you've got to be able to sleep at night. We'll set aside half your money for sleeping pills."

"He manages a broad stock index fund."

"What should you do? Here's what you should do: invent a time machine, go back sixteen months, and convert everything to cash."

"On Wall Street today, the stock market corrected its previous correction, and is pretty sure it's got it right this time."

'I see your investments going up but it's not clear which ones or when.'

'Did you say 'buy-buy' or 'bye-bye'?'

'And now over to Mrs Miggins for our financial forecasts...'

"I've hedged against inflation and I've hedged against deflation, but price stability could knock me for a loop."

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

"Invest? No offense, but I've read about you guys."

Had volumes of data at my fingertips and still didn't see this one coming.

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Bull Arm Wrestling A Bear.

Thanks a Mil, Warren!

News on television: 'On Wall Street, stocks rebounded on news that 'up' and 'down' are just states of mind.'

'I led a long and happy life. Twenty business cycles.'

"My favorite time of year is earnings season."

Calls of the Wild: Moose Call, Coyote Call and Margin Call.

"Being adversaries got stale, so now we're drinking buddies."

'Your best hedge against a down market is having lots of money.'

'J.B., there's not enough ROI on the IPO, YTD.'

Sure, it helps to be a blood-sucking parasite, but that's not all it takes to be a stockbroker...

New York Stock Exchange: No Bulls or Bears were injured in today's trading.

"Forget the bloody glove for a moment; ignore all the arguments about the DNA evidence and try to remember that this case, after all, is about securities violations."

"I was spreading some risk around, and apparently it all wound up in your portfolio."

"I'm looking for a hedge against my hedge funds."

'It's his only form of exercise these days...chasing yield.'

"There's always an element of risk. No one has a crystal ball. OK, I have one, but no one knows how it works."

"Of all the markets, in all the world, you had to walk into mine."

"If we're being honest, it was your decision to follow my recommendations that cost you money."

"Dow Jonesy enough for you?"

'And here's Ted with his, always accurate, post-market predictions.'