Stock Market Watcher Prints

Despite recent uncertainty, analysts said today they will continue to make predictions.

'I kind of miss inflation. It was a great excuse to ask for a raise.'

Watching a tennis match vs. watching the stock market.

Watching the markets.

'The Fed decided today not to raise or lower interest rates, but instead just moved them sideways a little.'

"Pour yourself a drink - the news isn't too good"

'It was huge, it was in flames and it had 'Pension Funds' written on it.'

'In economic news, stocks and interest rates declined, but the decimal point stayed steady.'

'Your financial goal is to break even? I can tell you're an experienced investor.'

"That's quite a scary Halloween outfit."

"Today treasuries were down on news that bitcoin futures were up."

"Even in the great outdoors, you can't get away from the stock market, Jerome."

'The financial crisis is unlikely to worry me: I lay a new Golden Egg every day...'

Cleaner looking at flow chart of Yoyo sales. The line of sales is going up and down.

'Ms Dolan, when hanging up, please stop wishing clients a 'Happy Recession'.'

"Well, I'm sure that Alan Greenspan's mother is very proud."

"You have reached the Nervous Investor Fund performance hotline. For the average annualized returns for the past ten minutes press '1; for the past half hour press 2; for the past hour press #3."

Businessman Cut Down by Monthly Reports

Consols at 90 - Man in a bad mood

Oil prices

'And in further economic news, the silver lining in the latest economic crisies has been downgraded to bronze.'

'Are you through with the Financial Section?'

Stan takes the blame: 'Another fine mess you got us into.'

'We know you've been down there five days now. You did say you're a full-commission stockbroker, didn't you?'

The End Is Not Near So Open A Retirement Account At Once.

Bank robber looks worried, in Northern Rock bank run.

Investors can't blame brokers any more

'Only the years when the market was bullish...'

"We'll be home soon - there's the Pound in Free Fall."

Next on 'Evening Shouting Match'...is it a bull or a bear market?

Bottom Falling out of the Economy.

'But... but... everything is... up... in... the air...'

'I take my blood pressure medicine at bedtime and before looking at the market reports.'

Economy going down the toilet.

'Today's stock market downer is sponsored by the maker of uppers...'