Statistical Skeptic T-Shirts

I've disproved the law of averages. I asked 200 pretty girls out on a date and not 1 of them said yes.'

Door labelled: 'False Economy Analysis & Research.'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

Politicians are from Uranus.

"God works in mysterious ways."

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

Alternative Medicine

'Your 'marriage' invention sounds good, but what if it leads to a concentration of power for the central government?'

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

All-Purpose Obamatoon

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

'Einstein's theory of negativity'

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

Coincidence or What?

'Don't hide behind sales figures, Bill. We both know terminating me is philosophically unsound.'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

'Why does everybody tell lies about me?'

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

Two plus two equals five. I don't think so. The earth is flat, or maybe it's shaped like a fish. Huh? Many Republican candidates don't believe in evolution!!! Math, science -- who needs 'em really. That's what I said in high school.

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

"I totally meant to do that."

"Dad, this survey says too much study is bad for you..."

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

"And that was the news. . . But please feel free to go online and vent your spite, spread your conspiracy theories and promote your ill-informed opinions. . ."

"Recent studies now show that people who use the aphorism ‘whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ have compromised immune systems."