Statistical Nerd Pillows

"Crime statistics are skewed in favour of people from the shires. Give us your wallet to help remedy the sorry situation."

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"Do you promise to love, honour and contribute to the gross national product?"

Pi Ala Mode.

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

"Well, I'm studying mathematics and I'm sure that's tougher than math."

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

The IRS emptied my pouch.

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

'15% of Americans don't have chairs in their living rooms, and of that 15%, 73% don't even realize it.'

Pi fight!

'Frankly, I'm a little concerned.'

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

'They're called 'numbers' -- Now we can have public opinion polls!'

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

'...and as a consequence, you lot all redundant. I'm not making it up.'

'Our crime figures are down!'

New For Halloween! Sexy C.P.A.

Bank Robbery Statistics

'Then he smiled and his very last words were 'Now the inland revenue will never find out!''

'But the short term view is very good.'

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

"How can our Russian affiliate be losing money? I thought that country was out of the red."

"Of course there's emotion in business. Has your heart never skipped a beat at the sight of a long string of zeros after a seven."

'This year we're in really great shape. Nobody understands our financial statement!'