Starting Private Practice T-Shirts

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

'The computer links me to other doctors, so I can see how much they're charging for tests.'

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

'Where's my glove?'

Separation

"Are you sure you're not holding your breath?"

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

Dentist Training School.

"I should have been a lawyer. I'm great at ambulance chasing!"

'Instead of 'You're entering a world of pain', try 'This won't hurt a bit.''

'Must you be so judgemental?'

Hanging out your shingle

'Virus?' - 'Yes, it's a Latin word we doctors use, meaning I haven't got a clue..'

"Sick? You're not sick! The money I owe on my student loans... now that's sick!"

Leonard L. Lipchitz: Sending the Law since 1972

"I've only just started practicing. I'm hoping the proceeds from these first few sessions will pay for a couch."

All-Purpose attorney has all his specialisation running away from him

'Three words doc, why you should buy...dislocation,dislocation,dislocation.'

Dentist: We drill/Fill/Bill.

'So, if this procedure is 100% safe, why do I need to sign this waiver?!'

'We structured the deal so that you'll need a lawyer to explain it.'

Sign on new dental practice reads 'open wide'.

A dentist places his first tooth and his first dollar on the wall.

"Textbook."

Hickory, Dickory Doc...Pediatricians

'As an amnesiac, we'll slowly build memory. Now, pay me and then try to remember paying me.'

'Mr. Simpkins, is one of my private patients, so I'm going to keep him in until his cheque clears... Er, I mean, until his chest clears.'

'The most precious thing a practitioner can accomplish, my boy, is to accumulate a devoted following of these damned hypochondriacs."

'I can't afford to marry you, Sara. You're my best patient.'

Needles

These magazines are all current! You can tell he's fresh out of medical school.'

'Don't get your hopes up. In private practice, malt whisky and havana cigars mean you're terminal.'

Call 1-800-JUSTICE for all your legal needs.

"This giant chunk of my salary goes to student loans, this chunk goes to malpractice insurance, and this giant chunk goes to taxes. All I'm asking is to increase this tiny sliver of actual free and clear income..."