Starting A New Job In Tech T-Shirts

'...And in case of program crashes, this model comes fully equipped with an air bag!'

"Even though we're a tech company, we can only provide these walkie-talkies. That's the downside of being a startup."

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

Killer Executive Suits.

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

'I have this fear of the real world...'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

Carefree luggage.

"Now here's one that has the glamour above the table."

We should take a break. Ron's eyes have turned into spinning rainbow wheels.

Reach for the Star.

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

You only have time for one: Choose your fighter - Exercise, Wash Your Hair, Eat, Breathe

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Pipe Dream.

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

Handbag store - "Perfect."

"Hey, you stick your neck out on a regular basis, it's gonna happen. The important thing is to just get up and keep moving forward."

"Class of 2008, never let the excuse 'I can't find my pants' stand in the way of your dreams."

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

Surfing the daily stress

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

The trend toward less formal offices began to gain steam.

"I'm beginning to regret taking this job at the local playgroup."

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

New Guy.

'Mr. Dawson, about when I said 'don't pull any punches'...'

"Make a lot of money."

She was warned. Nethertheless she persisted.

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'