Stand-up Sitcom Fan Prints

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Zombie standup

"Why do they do that?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

Giraffe Umbrella

Bad fake tan day.

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

The Rooster Comedian.

Vlad the Impala

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

A Fairytale Update

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

Caddie brings his golfer a shovel in the sand trap.

Stand-up Romcom

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

"Out damn Spot

Godzillla eating people using telephone poles as chopsticks.

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'