Spreadsheet Savants Mugs

"These numbers are way off. But I do like them better than the auditor's numbers."

"They say you're a miracle worker, so I'm wondering if you could part my sea of red ink?"

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

Out and In.

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

"I hate performance review season."

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"I love your optimism."

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

"What comes after zillion?"

'We're a non-profit organisation. We didn't plan it that way, but that's how it worked out.'

End of Year Figs.

Downward arrow on progress chart goes through the floor: 'OK, I know this doesn't look good ...'

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

I've checked - it goes down to the basement.

"Will you stop saying 'ouch' every time I cut something out of your budget?"

Macho talk from down in accounting.

"Well in our defence we did get the numbers right they were just in the wrong order!"

Project Manager Showdown

"I hate check writing, but, hey, it pays the bills."

Tax Collector

'Lou you have never gotten comfy with spreadsheets, have you?'

"I'll need some distracting hilarity on the borders of my quarterly report."

'I would like to return this chart. It didn't perform up to our expectations.'