Spreadsheet Rebel Prints

"Here - I've no use for spreadsheets where I'm going."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

"I need to see your budget proposal."

Overworked in the office

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"I think I'll have the businessman's lunch."

Three businessmen using a pulley system to change a graph

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

End of Year Figs.

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

Macho talk from down in accounting.

The good news is that I've got all the figures...the BAD news is that I'm not sure what order to put them in!

'I'm not comfortable with his method of fixing our balance sheet.'

'Hang on, I've just found another one. It must've fallen down behind the coffee machine.'

'Henry, I'm here to trim back your budget.'

Company profit making scheme - Jenkins, you owe us £327.95.

'Lou you have never gotten comfy with spreadsheets, have you?'

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

'Here's the improved margins you said you wanted to see this year, Tom.'

"This is Thompson, he has a black belt in budget control."

'First the good news.'

"We're hoping for an upturn in the 5th quarter."

I can read this audit, but HOW should I read it...What is my MOTIVATION, how do I bring these figures to life,make them sing!... Colin often wondered whether accountancy had been the right career choice for him

'We've always needed an accounting magician.'

'This is a very bad report, Jenkins. Go to your cubicle.'

'I dunno Jim...Accountancy just doesn't thrill me like it used to.'

Do you want this set of books, or the set you keep in the broom cupboard?

"Watching him work those spreadsheets all day can be very relaxing."

"We're going to need the best forensic accountants money can buy."