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'Half of the numbers are accurate, that's why we're auditing the remaining 56%.'

"Will you stop saying 'ouch' every time I cut something out of your budget?"

"I never should have tried to take my accounting to the next level."

'Oh, so you do keep track of where you bury things.'

"What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong,"

'Today's financial report will be a short one: We had money, now we don't.'

'He celebrates the fiscal New Year.'

Creative Accounting Inc - Accounts Receivable/Accounts Decievable.

'Oops! My mistake. That was the yearly budget estimate, not the monthly estimate.'

'I'm worried; these figures actually add up.'

'Face it, you've changed. The man I married would never subject his family to an annual cost-benefit analysis.'

Profits - "It's worse than you think it goes down to the third floor."

'The numbers don't look good. Ironically, there's no quick fix.'

'This year we're in really great shape. Nobody understands our financial statement!'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

'We're a non-profit organisation. We didn't plan it that way, but that's how it worked out.'

'Don't worry,, I checked the figures with wikopedia.'

"New from accounting, sir. Two and two is four again."

"84% of our losses are due to accounting errors!"

IRS agent saying 'And now, let's review your self-employment schedule C form...'

"I'm still not quite happy with it...The aspirations are clear but there still seems to be too much flexibility around the targets."

'This is where it gets interesting!'

'There is a flow, Sir...it's just not cash.'

Great Moments in Computer History: Marie Antoinette's spreadsheet shows the peasants have no bread, but lots of cake.

"Well there it is in black and white gentlemen, we're in the red."

'For people to think we just pluck figures out of THIN AIR is RIDICULOUS, we use a bucket.'

"Well in our defence we did get the numbers right they were just in the wrong order!"

'Right about here, we switched to generally acceptable accounting procedures.'

'We're running a deficit even with the fake numbers.'

"Good news! Accounting just upgraded our numbers from 'good' to 'really' good."

'Could you put me through to the Quarterly Statement Report, translation department?'

'Excuse me, but did you want those numbers spun clockwise or counter-clockwise?'

'...and if you want to see this month's figures, you'll have to go down to the basement!'

Venture Capital client viewing racing statistics