Sports Tech Enthusiast Pillows

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A copy of the report was sent to The Referees' Association.

'The new technology allows us to monitor all the players performance levels like heart rate, acting ability, etc.'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

If nobody had invented graphics

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

Football Chameleon

Monica Seles

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

"How should we divide the teams?"

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Saving a Heart

Gary turns 40.

Raheem Sterling

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

A day at the transgenic races

A married couple share the same pole vault.

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

Ratminton

"Let's get ready to bumble!"

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

'Oh, and this ringtone is an app that alerts me when a fly ball is headed my way.'

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.