Sports Satire Buff Prints

'Hello, God? Tony here... Fine, thanks. SIr, it's that Hayes guy. He's cheating again. You want I should whack him?'

'That's my best driver right there. One hundred percent imaginary titanium. ... Go ahead. Take a swing.'

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

Alternative fielding positions

The Golfing Accident

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

'Let's go over our secret play.'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

The Hockey World

Beijing Olympics - Treadmill.

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

The Leafs win the Cup!

Major Bunker (who has been persuaded to join in a game of hockey for the first time, absent-mindedly preparing to drive). 'Force.'

Volcano Sacrifice Competition

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

"I got a red card for not having enough fun!!"

Goodbye Opiate of the Masses

Various men worshipping a statue of a football

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

'His 5 hour energy drink timed out. If only he had taken it 3 seconds later.'

Runner 007 is given a martini for refreshment.

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

"After the big race, the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

'The manager takes the pitcher out of the game'

'...And if that doesn't work, grab your rifle and start blasting away.'

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

'Yes, it's a foul. But is it a flagrant foul?'

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

"I think Simon’s been hit on the head one too many times."

Racketeer

Glenn Hoddle