Sports Commissioner Prints

No Pasadena Temps

Gary Betteman: I'm wishing for a settlement before Christmas.

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

Go team!

"I AM at my usual position."

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

Punt Cake

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

I think this interleague play is getting out of hand.

Saving a Heart

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

Snooker Golf.

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

'I do a lot of icing. It's part of my mellowness.'

'Gee, you beat Roger again!'

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

Personal conker trainer.

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

Cricket Accidents.

The University Cricket Match - a sketch at Lord's.

'Almost anyone can learn to play golf, and you're the 'almost'.'

"Remember, kids, it's not winning that matters, it's getting a clean urine sample that's important."

Knight in shining Lycra!

'Let's go over our secret play.'

"All this pitching and hitting- I'm convinced there's a deeper meaning to it all."

Zeus injects himself with steroids before throwing lightning bolts