Sports Analysts Prints

Impersonal

Sports Reference Library - Who's on steroids: file, Who's not on steroids: file.

'Do I go to your place of work and criticize you?'

French football explained - 50p.

'Who's on drugs?'

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

Cricket Accidents.

The Other Cooperstown

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

Baseball Fantasy League Draft. 27 Trout. Everybody wants that rare player who can do it all on their team. Yeah, a player that hits for average and hits for power! Who is also terrific with a glove and has a strong throwing arm. All along with having great speed! Excuse me, I just don't understand it. Why are you always making such a big deal over a five-tool player?!

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

Gold Medal for IOC boss Thomas Bach in the discipline of Brown-Nosing-Dictators-For-Money.

Centaur Forward

'...I don't like your chances!'

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

'Fergie quits - chewing gum sales hit all time low!'

Maybe we should stop calling it 'The Masters.'

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

Bessy had won the 100m sprint... but many suspected Steeroid abuse!

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

Wilfried Zaha

Lost Season

'All this viewing is an endurance event in itself...'

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'