Sporting Event Commentator Pillows

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

I think you're ace

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Perils of the double play.

'The 'Leviathan Bat,' or many centuried marvel of the modern (cricket) world. (Dr. William Gilbert Grace.)'

'Wow! That's got to be some sort of record!'

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

'And with this one I scored 138 not out...every one off the edge.'

"All those training sessions, seminars and studies... ... to reinforce the reality of womens equality and extirpate any remnants of a deluded belief in male superiority When all we had to do was show them Rachel Daly doing a bicycle kick GASP!"

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

Novak Djokovic has his visa denied to play in Australia as he is unvaccinated

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

Tennis ball girl.

"Getting the ball in the hole on the first swing is good isn't it?"

'You know our track team stinks when our star pole vaulter is better at the limbo.'

Cricket widow's revenge 2

'He's missed six goals today. I bet he could kick himself.'

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

American Football.

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'