Split End Survivor T-Shirts

Today's Rapunzel

"Hey, you stick your neck out on a regular basis, it's gonna happen. The important thing is to just get up and keep moving forward."

"This is our soft opening."

"Tong!"

'I was a junior doctor when I started this shift.'

"No you are not ok! Tell me what's wrong! You've been sitting for two minutes without checking your phone!"

Gymnast tangled up.

"And now Survivor Six...walking through your kid's room barefoot in the dark..."

'Remember, I deduct one grade point for every splinter.'

'He's not hurt. He's just really, really cold.'

"Professor, just how long did you say that evolution thing takes?"

"Is this the queue for Funworld?"

'Don't they look silly?'

I know it's not on the yoga dvd but a spider crawled up my sleeve

'Don't use that arm... for a day or two!'

"You been here long?"

The menu said this soup is recommended for mature diners, and is rated "AFS." What does that stand for? "Adult fly situations."

"The tiny one treats the symptoms. The big one treats the side effects."

"What makes you think you have cabin fever?"

'The good news is the airline was trying to skimp on fuel, and no terrorists were involved.'t

'Hey,Fred- I can hear the sea!'

'You need to relax...take some time off... enjoy yourself...be back in 10 minutes... get this report done.'

Waiting and waiting and waiting room

'Oh yes. It's mentioned here, under side-effects.'

Laundromat has a bin for trash & one for unmatched socks

Mindfulness meditation vs. Mindfulness scrolling.

Those who play with cats must expect to be scratched.

"I think we need to have that talk to explain how bad stuff happens in the world."

"Isn't this a sequel?"

'And these blue ones are for the stomach cramps these red ones are going to give you,'

"Do you need to have seen the first two thousand and forty eight?"

'Okay, so I had one bad day.'

'Don't say: 'I got caught in a mousetrap.' Say: 'I'm a mousetrap survivor.''

Common golf Problems: 'Worst slice I have ever seen!'

'Is that a Tesco's carrier bag?'