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"Are we allowed to pray?"

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

"It's your mother. It's the only way I could get a hold of you. You never answer your phone."

"So, Frank tells me you dabble in creation."

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

Today's lesson: the plague of darkness

Ask about our new prophet sharing plan.

'Those are the Divinity students.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

reincarnated worm...

"Your son is asking a lot of questions about the giant hands in the sky that controls everything."

You got that beer that the monks make, didn't you?

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"Well, we needed the rain."

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"It's cool – God told us to!"

Denmark scrapped anti-blasphemy law!

A surprise in heaven

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'So, what's for dinner ...a séance?'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

The World's Biggest Book Club

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."

'There is no past. No future. Only the present, which is changing every instant. Time is merely an illusion. Got it?'

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

"Commandments aren't really selling these days. However, we're willing to consider self-help tips or personal improvement ideas."

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

Guru.