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"Are we allowed to pray?"

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

"It's your mother. It's the only way I could get a hold of you. You never answer your phone."

"So, Frank tells me you dabble in creation."

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

Today's lesson: the plague of darkness

Ask about our new prophet sharing plan.

'Those are the Divinity students.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

reincarnated worm...

"Your son is asking a lot of questions about the giant hands in the sky that controls everything."

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

"Well, we needed the rain."

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

Denmark scrapped anti-blasphemy law!

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"It's cool – God told us to!"

A surprise in heaven

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'So, what's for dinner ...a séance?'

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'It says, 'Life is like a transistor.''

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

How world war III started.

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

Guru.

'You know, I never have had a sabbatical....'