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Jesus Loves Me According To Wikipedia

"I regret believing in reincarnation."

"Blessed are they who blow out birthday cakes candles, for they shall be de-lighted."

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

At the 2021 Religious Games

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

Ten Commandments

"Seriously, I used to be the staff of a guy named Moses, man the stories I could tell..."

"That's our new church mascot."

Guru.

Single Prayer Health Insurance

'Those are a few jokes to loosen up the crowd first...how do you like 'em?'

Praying mantis.

'Meaning of life? You bet! Here, pull my finger.'

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

R.C.I.A.

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

Praying Mantis.

'Right now I'm counting the blessings that we owe to Uncle Sam.'

Regifts of the Magi

Finger puppets in church.

'Oh, the guru is up on the next peak -- I'm his agent.'

Shoe repair

"We're in deep trouble... there are some people quoting back to us what we taught them."

OM, SWEET OM

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

"...and thank you for sending my guardian angel to protect me from that truck today..."

Moses' TV guide.

Om and Ommer

'I'd like to attract them with dynamic preaching, but I'm not above luring them with sugar.'

"Can you write 'To Mandy - you're the best'?"

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."