Solar System Schemer Pillows

"The trouble with you, sunshine, you think everything revolves around you!"

"One day, my boy, all this will be retirement homes."

"Pardon me, but why is there no ceiling this office?"

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

"It's a setup."

"I don't think much of their defence."

Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Earth, Venus, Mars … Mercury … Um, Pluto? Charon? No, Pluto … or Eris? Ugh …

"So you want to hide it from other squirrels by presented to deposit it in savings, then taking it back and putting it in a secret account?"

'Remember to be nice to people on your way up. You might need them to do hard time for you later.'

"I'm doing my part to conserve electricity."

'Why we have architects'

"May I have your attention? For Christmas, all I want is for everyone to write a note on how smart, charming and social I am. I'm collecting college reference letters before I enter my terrible teens."

"This is an imaginative expenses claim. I wish we could use those skills of yours in the business."

"So sorry to miss you!"

'We're looking to expand our globalization into countries that don't extradite.'

The Groundhog didn't see his shadow...because the superdome lights were out.

'The little twerps have me all discombobulated -- I was supposed to start an ice age 100 years ago!'

"When I win the lottery, I'll be an agent of goodness...giving every last penny to needy children, the homeless, and the sick and destitute of the world."

A road side billboard advertises: 'bus drivers eat-free' a man is seen rigging a false panel that looks like a bus to his caravan.

"The lab boys figured out how to change lead into gold. Now your job is to corner the lead market."

"Our plan for world domination starts with the chew toys."

'Your teacher called and said the school concert tickets you sold me for $20 were free.'

"Taking credit for somebody else's work? Why, Ferguson – that's how I started out."

"I told him not to get side-tracked in Accounting, but would he listen?"

'Now THAT's what I call an innovative business plan!'

'Dear Shareholder: This will be my final report regarding the disbursment of your generous investment . . . '

Better than Chekhov

'That Al Gore is so patronizing!'

I'm running for student council president, so could you keep quiet about the time that I kissed you last year?

"Someday I'd like to make this into my private study, but right now it's my wife's private study."

"How many times I gotta tell ya, Louie...we;re into cyber crime these days...No one dresses like dat for cyber crime."

How're you making money if not charging older ladies for dates? Reviewing products on online shopping sites. I give them one or two stars, maybe three. Unless the product manufacturer pays me, in which case I give the products five stars and a rave. You're kidding me. Nope. I want in. Get yourself your own scam.

"You can be whatever you want to be when you grow, thanks to identity theft."

Fish trapping a bigger fish.