Social Work Gifts

"To keep on top of the caseload I'm going to have to put in some overtime."

"At the moment I'm torn between the emotionally rewarding but poorly resourced role of a social worker or a more intellectualy rigorous career in quantum physics."

'I'll be supervising you...'

'And this is one of our clients...er I mean service users, no I mean...'

Report suggests social workers spend 60% of their time on admin - "Do you remember when all wehad to worry about was client care?"

No 1 in a series of unlikely events: "Social work is such a meaningful worthwhile work that I've decided to give up my lucrative law practise to join you!"

'Do you remember when all we had to worry about was client care?'

"I've made a list of lists we need to make."

'You can do your worst, but I'll tell you nothing.'

All social workers are equal, some just get paid a lot more than others.

Multi-agency Working

'It's the paperwork that you need to fill out to show that we're spending all our time focussing on clients' needs.'

"I'm here to turn myself in."

'I hate 'make a difference day'.'

'I'd eventually like to pursue a career in some kind of meaningful social work, once I get a handle on this homicidal mania thing.'

'Social work is such a worthwhile, fulfilling career that I've decided to give up my fabulous income as an investment banker to become one!'

'The government is telling us to get rid of 43% of meaningless targets within the next 6 months!'

"Now, before we actually help them, let's discuss our partnership and method of assisting."

"The department brought in a business consultant who recommended a 20% cut in compassion to save money. So in future when you come in you'll have to talk to yourself!"

'When you said foster carers were to be treated like other professionals, we didn't think you meant cutting our budgets and increasing our workloads.'

For sale. Lost the will to serve the public.

Human solidarity.

Charity mugger

'This training session is all about challenging assumptions. For example you see someone looking depressed, dishevelled, unkempt it's easy to jump to conclusions. But they may not be a social worker, they may be a client!'

'Don't you think you should get involved in some volunteer work, Bernie?'

'It seems 'Blue Eyes' of Bolton has married a real brute and she's now 'Black Eyes' of Liverpool!'

'Usually we place a great deal of emphasis upon confidentiality for our clients...Unfortunately, the current staffing shortages mean that we've had to adopt a more flexible approach...'

"These are my little helpers - social worker,child psychology, risk assessment,health and safety, paramedic and compo for kids."

Social Workers Demand Realistic Targets.

Child Protection Team: 'Someone applied for the job...'

Citizens Advice

'The good news is that we've had very few staffing issues recently...The bad news is that it's because we've got no staff!'

'Just make sure you keep to the straight and narrow,old chap!'

'Article 3 of the Human Rights Act could involve us in a LOT of extra work! It prohibits any 'inhuman or degrading' treatment...We might have to rewrite our entire staff care policy.'

Wine stewards without borders