Social Scenario Strategist T-Shirts

"I used to dream of owning a pool. Now I dream of marginal friends not showing up uninvited."

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

"Now remember, if I jump out the window, I want to leave."

"Let me get this, but keep in mind that you'll pay for it in other, more subtle ways later on."

"Think I'll be a more effective alpha male if I learn to play pool?"

"And this right here was our weekend in the Hamptons."

'Dear Miss Etiquette, I'm never sure if I should say anything...'

Frankenstein's monster picking out his brain for the day.

"'Disability benefits' they said... Not while there are perfectly good jobs as traffic cones to be had!"

'Are you two friends?' - 'No, we just hate the same people.'

"If I go to the party alone, will I be able to leave when I want? But then, there's always the possibility that I will get stuck talking to someone. I can't shake the problem is me. What if no one else likes me? I'm the only one being critical... The issue is I'm not enough and it's really so huge." "The over thinker"

'I have a twitter account to slag off my facebook friends and I use facebook to insult my followers on twitter.'

She realised it would be foolish to start a diet with third cousin Rodney's retirement party due in only 12 years.

"Our new dog seems to be really, really shy!"

'His social skills have improved since he lost his job in banking.'

'Oh hey Rhonda, whatcha doin?'

'Dinner for two, table for seven.'

'Mom's in the bedroom trying on scenarios.'

Today's alpha-lesson is called "Always Jujutsu the Suspense." If someone says "I've got a great idea" and then pauses to create suspense, that's a power-move. They want you to beg them to continue. The alpha counter-move in this case is simple. Use the suspense-monger's suspense against them: say absolutely nothing.* *This move should never, ever be applied in the boudoir.

Why are you here?

"Agreed then-I won't network you if you don't network me."

"My mistake. It was the mailman."

"McNab here is with our consensus engineering department."

"Remember, son, keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and anyone who says 'Beer me' as far away as possible."

'I'm sending you to Joliet for 15 years to think about what you did.'

Twig, do you

"I wish I'd been invited to all these parties before I discovered the joys of staying in."

"If they find out I'm a flight attendant pretend a heart attack so we can leave early."

"Okay, so we all agree to support your father's run for office even though his ideas are bats**t crazy."

"I'm going to write you a prescription for new friends."

"I just feel like it's important NOT to make good eye contact when communicating."