Social Image Maintainers T-Shirts

"There's nothing wrong with the leg, I just want the neighbours to think I've been skiing..."

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

"I mind my mother, eat my broccoli and do my homework, but you won't tell the guys, will you?"

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

'The baby took some cellphone pictures of you napping!'

"If I'm coming across as shallow, uncaring and egocentric, talk to my image manager."

Seminar: Find Someone Cool to Imitate.

'May I have a glass of Perrier with a twist of lemon and a straw?'

"So all these years you never did yoga but just walked around carrying the mat?"

"It's my self-portrait. Obviously."

"We need to think about raising your profile ..."

'I look huge in this picture! Do you think you could cut and paste a glass or something into my hand, so it looks like I've just eaten?'

'He wants to look slightly mysterious and menacing.'

Age is a matter of perspective.

"Go forth and get me a PR consultant."

"If you're planning to run for public office, 'a man of conviction' sounds better than 'prison parolee'."

"White chocolate mocha, please." "Just the drink? Or the combo?" "What's in the combo?" "You get the white chocolate mocha, plus a ham sandwich, plus a bag of chips, for $17." "Seems pricy." "Of course. That's why I only recommend our premium combos to people who can afford them." "One look at you and I could tell you're a man of means. You walk with such swagger -- such regal elegance." "I wasn't wrong about you, was I?" "Give me two combos." "Just two?" "Very. Bad. Man."

Sigh - '' - 'Waaaaah!' - '' - 'Hey! I'm not that fat!!!' - '' -

"I've learned the secret to a happy holiday season! When relatives come to visit...make sure they think you love the gifts they gave you last year."

Not easy to contain.

"I don't mind making mistakes as long as no one else knows any better!"

Building Directory... First Floor: Traditional businesses pretending to be young, hip and edgy...

"Guilty? Do you realize how that would diminish my personal brand?"

"You're darn right I'm angry: my reputation has been ruined by my behavior."

"Underneath all that,lies a perfect 38"22"36"!!"

'I'm sorry. we don't do face transplants for general ugliness.'

'I had that dream where I go out in public without my hairpiece again.'

'Frankly, I've never left the country because of my lousy passport photo.'

"She's being bullied at school for saying something nice about someone on social media."

'It's all about image, my friend, it's all about image...'

'She's my age!!'

'I hate you seeing me like this. The crystal ball adds, like, ten pounds.'

'He made a Hole in One, and a thousand dollar bet he could keep quiet about it.'

"You're quite vain really, aren't you?"

'Heeheehee! I told her that brown feathers make her look fat!'