Smith Gifts

Mr. Tappertit's jealousy

How Swordfish Are Born

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Thru versus Through Traffic

Torturing the English Language

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'I pledge allegiance to the atom, and to the periodic table on which it stands, many particles indivisible, with orbitals and electrons for all.'

"Meet The Author"

"Do me next."

"She's been so creative lately."

First Novels.

"Abstract Expressionism is definitely right for me at this stage of my career."

Edgar Allen Poe

"Not only pharmaceuticals - we're also finding all sorts of industrial chemicals here."

Big Tex Silver Saddle Restaurant advertises 'BBQ, $10, Chatter in a Vanishing Regional Dialect $1.00 Extra.'

'We look for a new drug, we find a virus - we look for a new virus, we find a drug...'

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"I think I may have stumbled on something, Walpole."

Cut Price

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

A Copy Editor and His Dog

Backfire