Small Talk Gifts

"It's wet, but it's a dry wet."

"Come with me. I've found someone who'll talk square footage with you."

"I find it a very good conversation starter."

"I know absolutely nothing about that subject, but I will give you my opinion."

Running on Empty

'Nice of you to ask. My bronchitis is acting up, I have a collapsed lung, my acid-reflux is terrible, I have a heart murmur...'

'I was just looking at you and wondering what my grandchildren would look like if you and my daughter started dating again, fell in love, got married and had some!'

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"Have you come far?"

"I don't have a problem with social drinking. It's the social not-drinking that gives me trouble."

"They say it could get quite warm next week."

"I KNEW we shouldn't have brought Jim with us. He's completely out of his depth at this party!"

"I don't dare talk politics or religion. Don't care about sports or follow entertainment. That leaves drinking."

A guy trying his best on a date...

'Is it just me, or is it REALLY temperate in here?'

'I once met the tweeter for a famous novelist, but never anyone who tweeted for an organic, patented plum.'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'Why do we always talk about this stuff?'

The Masochist.

"You remember the ex-husband in chapter one who caused her to reassess her whole life and seek a spiritual awakening? That was me."

"Frankly, he's a lousy sober."

"Don't assume everyone here is a Democrat."

What we talk about when we talk about the weather

"Jim is a good old-fashioned modernist."

"We're still getting used to feeling patriotic."

"We're perennials."

"Did you like Ike and all that?"

"These are your friends the Erskines, sir. Madam kisses both of them. You kiss her and you shake his hand. Then you wink and say, 'Hey, how about those Yankees?' "

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

What price beauty?

"Passengers, as we begin our descent, you may now suddenly act open and friendly to the person beside you."

Cocktail party with man balancing drink on head as he eats.

How to Do Small Talk??!!

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."