Slimming Specialist Pillows

'I'm sorry, we can't give you a surgically inserted gastric band, as it appears you already have two!'

"Don't worry they're all part of my team."

"Well, you taught him to fetch our slippers."

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

"Well we COULD tell people to eat less and exercise more, but where's the money in that?"

'The good news is that our latest diet products work fabulously well. The bad news is that we haven't got any customers any more!'

"Nice try Mrs Wimslow"

'You know that thin person inside you, struggling to get out? -- He seems to have gained weight, too.'

'He's an experienced golfer! Experienced in sand traps, water hazards and slicing.'

Next! (liposuction specialist)

A fridge surrounded by books.

"I would advise you to reduce the size of your buisness."

"Read my weight NOW!...NOW!"

I gain weight every fall and then lose it in the spring. I have a seasonally adjusted figure.

Slimming World

"No . . . erasing food-search-apps from your browser history doesn't count as dieting."

"Now ladies, I hope none of you have been cheating."

"I'm really good at diets, this is my 50th!"

On her doctor's order, Wanda watches how she eats.

'Gee! Your diet's beginning to work!'

Akme Hair Removal and Waxing

Fitness Class. Flexibility is the foundation of good physical fitness. All's well that bends well.

Weight Loss Clinic: 'We help those who help themselves over and over and over again.'

'My trick for looking slimmer is to only have friends who are fatter than me - not you, of course...'

'Well done Mrs Fogherty. That's another three pounds you've lost this week, that will be three pounds please.'

"Welcome madam, may I take your fur coat?"

POOR CHAP WAS CONCENTRATING ON HIS 'I CAN MAKE YOU THIN' CD WHEN THE TRUCK SQUASHED HIM FLAT