Skeptic's Discourse Aficionado T-Shirts

"I don't believe in religion, but I'm in awe of it. Scribble some stories, fabricate a few relics, exploit people's fears... What do you get?... Money... Power... ...And all the children you'd care to molest."

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

'Your videotape's intriguing - But it still doesn't prove that they really exist.'

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

Battle of the sexes in a relationship

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

"I've learned to give up when I hear Brooklyn in your voice."

"After the election everything will be perfect and I will be able to fly."

'These bitcoins things are backed by technology and the internet! What could possibly go wrong?'

'Hope it's legit. I never had the chance to say good riddance.'

'OK, now you've seen it...'

"Here we still are, eh? So much for the gloom-and-doom types who warned us against eating all the vegetation."

It takes more than imminent danger to convince a true skeptic!

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

'A Federally-funded study released today proves conclusively that taxes are good for the economy....'

"Now do you believe me?"

Descartes's Demon

"Stacy. Stacy. Honey... You're not a doctor."

"Proving Jesus lived is harder than finding footprints in the water he walked on."

"This is just a placebo cast, but it makes a lot of people feel better."

'Don't believe everything you read.'

'A large Federal study published in the New England Journal of Medicine found that large federal studies don't prove anything.'

'People are skeptical about everything I say!', 'Oh, come now!'

The unfortunate night there were two talking sticks at the conflict resolution meeting.

Ponzi Schemes Inc

"Do you really believe, Gerald?"

'Let's face it, marriage isn't just a word it's a sentence!'

"You are gullible and naive. You believe untrained charlatans. You squander your money."

I heard you've to an awful, mysterious pain in the side of your face. Yeah. You can try the modern approach, drug yourself silly so you don't feel the pain. You know a better way, Sadie? Well, in your case, I'd suggest going with the tried and true cure-all: Drill a hole in your head to let out the demons. No need. You're already out. That's ... Well-played, nemesis. Well-played.

"IDEOMOTOREFFECT. See! I told you."

"What beats me is how you global warming sceptics always turn out to believe in local warming."

An old cliche comes under fire from yet another special interest group.

"My wife tells me I'm a skeptic. . . but I don't believe anything she says!"