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Matthew Perry.

'A sitcom has to be quirky or formulaic. There is no middle way.'

John Cleese.

'It was a very strange divorce — the judge got custody of my wife.'

It's nothing to worry about - many kids his age have trouble with the letter S.

Love.

Haywatch

Polterguest: "When is your brother going to leave? He's driving me crazy!"

Menopause and the City

'No, I've never been in a TV reality show. My reality is pretty well scripted by my wife, kids and boss.'

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

"Dear, there's someone here to collect your soul."

'Well, kids -- I guess it all started to fall apart when they canceled 'Seinfeld'....'

"Chills, Randy. I feel chills. And I can't move." "And I can't remember the last time my palms were this sweaty." "This must've been what people felt like when they heard the Allies were finally invading Normandy on D-Day." "No way any movie can live up to this hype." "Wolverine day is almost upon us." "We are about to embark upon the great crusade..."

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

'Confused about your future, depressed, lacking confidence, not sure who you can trust...I'd suggest you avoid any election news and watch modern family instead.'

"If the professor on Gilligan's Island can build a computer out of a coconut, then you can build a cell tower. Take some initiative!"

Nativity - The sitcom

"And now, let us view sitcom star Donnie J. Kroft's reading of his will, which was videotaped before a live studio audience."

John Laurie

"Ahhh! Ha-ha! Exactly what I said when I was pulled over. Dipstick!"

"Being married to her was the most miserable experience of my life, but I was able to develop a sitcom out of it."

"These are PC to view, providing we laugh in an ironic and non-committal way - belly laughing constitutes a hate crime."

"No, Barbara, this wouldn't make a great 'Seinfeld' episode!"

"All the world's a sitcom and we are but the uncredited extras."

Theodore Cleaver, the Corporate Years

Rob Brydon.

This is a classic TV show called "Father Knows Best." Before Google obviously.

"I'm sure you want little Jimmy to have a complete set of 'Muscular Heroes of the Cosmos,' now, don't you, Mr. Bennett?"

"Could you speed it up a little, the 'Seinfeld' marathon starts in five minutes."

Mind control

'He hibernates between superbowls.'

'That's not funny, Fred.'

"I'm so sorry, there is nothing I can do for him anymore...he must have been offline for at least 10 hours..."

'I wish someone would finally make that Oprah Winfrey shush! I would but I can't find the remote.'