Singing Star Mugs

'I don't wan't to talk - let's sing a duet!'

"Your debut solo singing with the Women's Institute has been cancelled? I'm sorry - I was really looking forward to missing that!"

Choir

Will Self does karaoke

Shepherd and eurydice

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

Showbiz Awards

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

Omara Portuondo

Papageno from The Magic Flute

"I had a fear of speaking in front of people, which is why I shadow puppet and sing the lessons."

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

A Fairytale Update

Red Letter Days - A declaration of love in public

"Yeah, I got into trouble, but I think the principal really enjoyed my rendition of 'I Did It My Way.'"

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"Michael, your father and I are worried that you're awfully young to be singing the blues."

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

"Woke up this morning, someone had nicked my guitar..."

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

"That is an outrageous slur."

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

"That's it, Tom. Here they come. Just keep playing 'Freebird.'"

Wolf Karaoke

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'